ruminations

Just this morning, Ate and I were talking about how old we now are, because she saw an old t-shirt which was about 6 years old. She distinctly remembers when the t-shirt was bought because it was what Fel wore to the surprise 30th birthday party we gave her. She's turning 37 in August, while I turned 32 early this year.

Me at 3 years old, My big sister at 8

Funny, I sometimes forget that 32 is big number, considering that at this age, my mom already had her third child (me) and was more or less completely settled with her life. She had started working again and much must have felt a lot certain for her.

Comparing it with where I am right now, I don't even feel that I am even half-way there (where I should be) or that I have at least taken the first step to certainty. I know I have a good job, I am with a person I truly love, I have friends and family whose loyalty are unquestionable...and yet there is this nagging feeling that I'm just going where my feet are taking me, and that I am not truly in control.

But making the best of what there is, has been a honed talent for me. I've come to learn that there is just much that life can give you. Even when you feel that you deserve more, sometimes the circumstances will completely invalidate that feeling. And so I learned to just deal with what life brings, and be thankful of the bonuses that come from time to time.

What comes with this pseudo-contentment state is the fear that I end up not getting what I really want in life. I used to be a go-getter, and dipped my fingers in what I felt would catapult me to greater heights. I used to work and study at the same time, wanting to earn my master's degree at 23. I owned a training firm at 24, ran a business at 25 and was an utter failure at 26. Life was very fast, and I was drowned in the waves of my stupidity. I used to think that by living fast, you get to claim success even faster. I should have taken it slow, made sure that I am able to digest the lessons of each experience, made each second count.

But God is good, He gave me another chance. Another opportunity to feel worthy of my parents' pride. But I'm taking it slow this time. Small, careful steps. Yeah, that's it. Small careful steps...

3-day weekend

This 3-day weekend is a welcome break from all the pressures of work. Thank God for Labor Day!

On Saturday, I was able to see my long time friends again after months of hibernation in Pasig. Dinner at the Pilarta's house was, as always, sinful! There was adobo and pork barbecue and a nacho platter, plus of course dessert which is never missed whenever we have dinner there. This time, Princess baked a batch of Food for the Gods. I had two slices (good girl) with my coffee.

That night also, Annie brought her two toolboxes filled with make-up. After finishing her 10 week make-up class at Frank Provost, she was ready to continue practicing, with us as her models. Only Princess and I stood up to the challenge though, because Minnie was too sleepy to participate. I could say she did a good job with Princess and me (or is it because we're just naturally beautiful?.

On Sunday, Jen and I rented movies at Video City. We brought Jeff along so he could choose his own films. He did, and we ended up with Chicken Little and Wallace& Gromit for Jeff, Shutter and Sigaw for a horror fare, Crying Ladies, Hotel Rwanda and If Only. The last one, was Jen's request. We finished 5 of the seven movies in 24 hours! Talk about couch potatoes. There's not much to do around the house anyway. Plus the freaking heat is so intense! I wonder when summer will end?

Tomorrow, its back to work again but this time I will be handling OD instead of training. May 2 officially marks my transfer to OD. At this point I know I still have much to learn with this new assignment, but good thing I have a good boss whom I know will be able to mentor me well. I just hope I would live up to his expectations. Fingers crossed.